“Where are you from?” Martha asked.
“Dildo,” Larry said
As soon as those words escaped Larry’s lips, Martha busted out laughing.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Larry said.
“Can you believe there’s a town with that name?” Martha asked.
As Martha continued to laugh hysterically, she tripped.
“What do you know,” Larry said. “You actually tripped over a cordless phone.”
At that point, Monica and Emily picked Martha up from the floor.
“Look who is it,” Martha said. “It’s my best friend, and my best sister.”
“Okay, time to take you home, drunky,” Monica said.
“You can’t be drinking and driving.”
“I’m the other twin. I mean, older twin. And I only had one drink. I’m driving.”
Monica ignored Martha as she and Emily brought her to the car.
“Don’t ignore me,” Martha said. “I had a lot to eat, so the food absorbed most of the beer. Give the keys.”
Monica continued to ignore Martha.
“I said, give me the fucking keys!” Martha yelled.
“No,” Monica said.
“You’re being a baby. Give me the keys!”
“I said no!”
As Monica drove home, Martha continued to annoy her.
“I asked you to do one thing, and you can’t do it,” Martha said. “Don’t ask me to do anything for you again. Now, pull over and let me drive the rest of the way home. Are you going to let me drive?”
“For the last fucking time, no!” Monica yelled.
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that!”
Martha slapped Monica on the side of the head in a drunken rage. This caused Monica to crash the car into her parents’ garage door.
“Look what you did,” Martha said.
“Fuck you!” Monica said. “You hit me while I was fucking driving!”
Martha and Monica’s parents stormed out of the house.
“What the fuck,” their father said in a quiet, yet shocked voice.
“Monica, what happened?” Martha and Monica’s mother asked.
As soon as their mother opened the driver door, the smell of alcohol disgusted her.
“You were drinking and driving!” their mother said.
“No, it’s not like that,” Monica said.
“You two get in the house!” their father said. “Now!”
Martha and Monica got out of the car. Monica walked in the house like she was walking the green mile, but Martha stumbled to the house in a drunken stupor.
As soon as Martha and Monica entered the house, they were about to go to their rooms. But their father ordered them to sit at the kitchen table.
“What the fuck were you two thinking, going to a party and drinking?” Martha and Monica’s father asked. “You two are under age.”
“Ha, that rhymed,” Martha said. “You’re a poet and you don’t even realize it.”
“I wasn’t drinking,” Monica said. “Martha was drunk and I drove her home. I was the designated driver.”
“Why didn’t you stop her from drinking?”
“How could I?”
“You’re her sister!”
“You could have called, Monica,” Monica and Martha’s mother said.
“But I drove Martha home! I wasn’t drinking. I was being responsible.”
“You’re not responsible. If you were, you wouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place. I hope you two enjoyed yourselves, because you two will never drive the car again. Now, go to your rooms.”
“No good deed goes unpunished,” Monica said under her breath as she walked up the stairs.
The following Friday, Martha approached her parents, who were in the kitchen, reading the paper.
“Can I get a ride?” Martha asked.
“Where to?” Martha’s father asked.
“I’m looking for a prom dress.”
“Can’t you take the bus?”
“The bus schedule sucks.”
“Who are you going with?” Martha’s mother asked.
“I don’t know yet,” Martha said. “Maybe nobody.”
“Monica! Can you come downstairs, please?”
Monica walked downstairs and entered the kitchen.
“Can you drive your sister?” their mother asked. “She needs to look for a prom dress.”
“Does this mean I can drive again?” Monica asked.
“Yes. But only when we say you can. Since Martha was the one who drank, we’re not letting her drive ever again.”
“So you’re punishing me by making me drive Martha wherever she wants, even though I was being responsible.”
“You crashed the car.”
“That’s because Martha hit me while I was driving!”
“I don’t want to hear it!” their father said. “Drive your sister where she needs to go.”
“Fine then. I’ll be in the car.”
A few minutes later, Monica and Martha took off.
“So, who was that guy you were talking to last week?” Monica asked.
“His name’s Larry.”
“I just met him. He seems like a square.”
“The prom is in a few weeks. Why don’t you ask him to go with you?”
“Maybe. Hey, can you turn left at the next intersection?”
Monica turned left.
“Pull over,” Martha said.
Monica pulled over in front of a dilapidated house.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Martha said as she got out of the car. She returned five minutes later.
“What was that about?” Monica asked.
“I owed Emily some money,” Martha said.
“But that’s not Emily’s house.”
“I meant to say Chris.”
Monica noticed something hanging out of Martha’s pocket.
“What’s in your pocket?” Monica asked.
“None of your business,” Martha said. “I need to look for a prom dress.”
Monica drove Martha to a local boutique. When Martha entered the boutique, she saw Larry.
“Hey, Larry,” Martha said.
“Hey,” Larry said. “Uh…I didn’t get your name.”
“It’s Martha. What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for tux for the prom.”
“We go to the same school, don’t we?”
“Are you going to the prom with anybody?”
“No. Are you?”
“No. Want to go with me?”
“Really? We don’t even know each other.”
“So what? It’s just the prom.”
“Sure, why not?”
“Wicket. Anyway, I need to look for a prom dress.”
Later on that day, Martha and Monica went home. As soon as they entered the house, their parents stood by the door, with their arms folded.
“Are you two okay?” Martha asked. “You two look crooked.”
“You talk to them, Nina,” their father said.
“Where have you two been?” Nina asked.
“Looking for a prom dress,” Martha said.
“Somebody told us that you dropped by a drug house.”
“Who told you that?”
“None of your business! How could you drive your sister there, Monica?”
“She’s the one who went inside,” Monica said.
“But you fucking drove her there!”
“Everybody shut-up!” Martha and Monica’s father said.
“Don’t tell anybody to shut-up, Jerry,” Nina said.
Jerry took a deep breath.
“As soon as you two graduates, Martha’s going into rehab, and Monica’s moving out,” Jerry said.
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